But while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. We are now justified by His blood, therefore we are saved by Him and from the wrath of God. For while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His Life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:8-11, ESV (emphasis mine)

So much goodness in the above scripture. None is righteous, so that not a single one of us can boast of any possible earning of the grace, over any other human being, that we have received in Christ Jesus. Yet, our human nature in it’s pride, loves to look down on others… at least I am not like that sinner! Remember the guy that was just forgiven of all of his debts? The Bible is clear, if we are now found in Christ Jesus, we were once considered enemies of God, and those who currently remain unbelievers are, as well. That one finger pointing at another has three more pointing at self. We know the fruit. It stinks and is rotten to the core. We can never earn this grace that we might brag that somehow we managed to get in good with God by our “good” behavior. No. No one is good. Sure, at one time when God created Man and Woman in the Garden of Eden, he said His work was very good. But, oh, how we fell. “None is righteous, no, not one;” (see Romans 3:9-20, NIV)… all have fallen short and the whole world is accountable to God. And grace is freely given, but only in Jesus Christ. And if we sit in judgment, believing another doesn’t deserve that same grace, we truly have missed the mark for the ground is 100% level at the foot of the cross. The only One who can condemn is Christ Himself. And until He returns and restores all things to Himself and His Kingdom reigns on earth as it is in Heaven, the Age of Grace is still here for anyone who understands their own bankruptcy and desperate enough to ask for it.

I have good news, “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1, ESV Meaning, the One and only one who does have power and control over the destiny of our souls, God Himself, has provided a way for you to escape the curse from the Garden, the curse of sin and death.

So what do we do about sin and how do we seek forgiveness? We look inward at our own heart (not anyone else’s) and we hold it before the only example of righteousness who came down from Heaven and walked this earth as a human, Jesus Christ, God Himself. We see our heart in it’s own inherently wicked ways. We realize that there is nothing we can do to erase our sin. Sin leads to death. But we know One who can blot out our transgressions and give us life. We come as we are. We stop in our tracks. We repent. If you see it, the Holy Spirit has convicted you of it. God has sought you out and drawn you to Himself. We agree with God that we have sinned and fallen short of His glory. We ask His forgiveness, are reconciled and we turn 180 degrees and go the other direction away from our sin. God gave His son to die for us for this very moment. And this gift of Jesus’ blood which was shed on the cross for us, it is for everyone. Even the worst of sinners. Even …our enemies. The Apostle Paul referenced himself, a Pharisee of Pharisees, the most righteous of righteous – and the chiefest of sinners: those who say their cup is clean on the outside, but yet filthy on the inside. Jesus called out the wickedness of the Pharisees all the time during his years of ministry. All of us are Pharisees at some point. Thankfully, no earthly human gets to decide who receives this forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration, even though some try. It’s already been decided and paid in full by God. And He has made it available to ALL of us at a great cost. It was freely given to us when we didn’t deserve it. While all are welcome to receive it, not everyone will receive it. But let me ask you, will you receive it?

We must only look at our own hearts. Nowhere else. Our hearts are inherently sinful. Even those of us who have been saved still wrestle with sin and have to make a conscious decision every day whom we are going to serve. So not only is there our salvation, but then there is the working out of our salvation in our every day walk with Jesus. Have you been forgiven? The gift of Jesus and eternal salvation is here. It is waiting. Will you embrace it? “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” Romans 10:9, NIV All you have to do is confess your sin, and ask for Jesus to be Lord of your life. If you do, then you have indeed received reconciliation to God Himself. While this gift is free to you, it will cost you everything that you hold dear here on this earth. God will do the work on helping you clean up your heart. He will strip away whatever is between you and Him until He knows He has your undivided heart. A divided heart is a double-minded heart which Jesus called out in the Pharisees. Once God has your heart, He will ask you to do the same with others. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32, ESV

It’s the hardest thing ever to forgive someone who has hurt you. Especially if that person is unrepentant. Remember, “while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son.” Is this not the way of the cross? We need to allow His healing in our hearts when we have been wounded by others. We are even challenged with reconciliation with those who are truly repentant because God is a God of reconciliation and He is never divided against Himself. Never be reconciled with someone who is unrepentant, though. You will know if they are truly repentant by their fruit that they produce which takes time. Regardless of if they are repentant or not, we need to come to a place of forgiveness in our hearts. When we release that person who harmed us, we can be assured that God has not released that person until that person has answered to God for the offense committed. God will deal with the unrepentant person in His own way and He can do the judging way better than we can. It will be done in such a way that is undeniably going to get that person’s attention, whether that person even repents or not. Keep a discerning heart.

We are to keep the peace as much as it is possible within us. We search our heart. We let God search our heart. If there is to be a reconciliation it will happen, because our God is the God of reconciliation. Remember that the same Holy Spirit which lives in our heart also lives in the heart of the repentant person’s heart. From a biblical perspective in Galatians 6:1-5 it says of those who are repentant: that those who live by the Spirit (other Believers) are to gently restore the repentant Believer, even to carry one another’s burdens lest the one gently restoring falls into the same sin. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the one who has been harmed has to do the restoring. I think this scripture has to do more with the church in general and how to deal with a Believer who falls into sin. How to gently restore them back into the church. However, it is biblical that a repentant Believer be shown kindness and forgiveness and be restored into the flock. That person is forgiven by God and so we, too, are supposed to forgive. It lines up with other scripture that we go the extra step with restoration when a Christian is repentant. If we are judgmental of that repentant Believer, mean to them, gossip behind their back to others, exclude them, wish ill-will of them, payback to them what we think they deserve, well…we have just fallen into that bucket of sin, ourselves.

Forgiveness, restoration and reconciliation are foundational truths, authored by God Himself in Christ Jesus. You can never will it on your own. You will see this beautiful truth in other Believers as they live a life of surrender and abandon to Jesus. It is such a fine line of understanding and great wisdom. If you truly are a Believer in Jesus Christ then the Holy Spirit who lives in you, will enable you to let go of that bitterness of the suffered pain and help you to forgive. Remember, it is not for their sake that you forgive, although it may go a long ways in restoration if that person is genuinely repentant and has asked you for that forgiveness. But the forgiveness you give that person, in the space of your own heart and soul, is more for your sake. This is what God requires of you as a Christian. It is the dying to self and your own will: the taking up of your cross. He will show you what it will look like in practicality. Jesus said whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for His sake will find it. (See Matthew 16:24-25, ESV) The hardest thing you will ever do in life is to learn to let go of things in the world that are most important to you (love of ‘whatever’) and the things that are most painful (wounded-ness) which includes your will or “right” to seek vengeance or to hold a grudge against another person who has sinned against you or someone you love. It will only harm you to hold onto this unforgiveness, though, and cause bitterness to grow in your heart. It will grow like a weed and you will be miserable. Pull the weed quickly as soon as you notice it before it takes root. It is truly only God’s right to seek vengeance and justly serve condemnation on another. (See Hebrews 10:30) You can do it. I know you can. Surrender to God. Let it go. He will take care of it. We can be wrong, even when we know we are right.

There are many stories of people who choose to forgive, especially forgiving those who have willfully harmed another out of great evil. I think of Corrie ten Boom and her decision to forgive the Nazi guard who committed evil atrocities to both her and her sister Betsie at RavensbrΓΌck Concentration Camp. They let their pain and suffering shape, persevere and grow their character. They understood the positional truth of their hope. It wasn’t a feeling. It was the hope of God’s love poured out into their hearts by the Holy Spirit (see Romans 5:2-5). Corrie and Betsie learned, β€œThere is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still,” and β€œGod will give us the love to be able to forgive our enemies.” (see, Ten Boom Museum). Both lives poured out for forgiveness of others who were so undeserving, because they knew themselves, how much they were forgiven. Amazing. It is that love and that forgiveness that comes only from Christ Jesus. He is our perfect example. Why should we even call ourselves Christians if we don’t practice these very truths that we identify within our own hearts? When we choose not to hang on to bitterness and instead to forgive, we indeed are free.

Much has been required to those of us who have been forgiven. If we understand the cost of this forgiveness, we will remember, we too were once… an enemy of God. When we cherish this forgiveness that God shows us in our own lives, we will want that same grace and forgiveness for others. After all, it is only hurt people, who hurt people. As evil as sin can be and harms others, we don’t have to look further than the sin in our own hearts. We need to find it in ourselves to not only forgive others who are just as undeserving, but then to pray for them through the power of God’s Holy Spirit. We need to understand who the rightful author of that evil truly is. Where it comes from. It comes from Satan, the Father of lies and true Enemy of our souls. Don’t miss it. This is a spiritual battle, not a human one. “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12, NIV. When we forgive we disarm the influence Satan has in our lives and the forces of darkness.

We would be good to keep this front and center when we are tempted to ruminate about the ones who have hurt us. It will take us down a dark road. We have to remember that Jesus died for that person who harmed you, as well. Jesus said, “there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” Luke 15:7, ESV Pray for their genuine repentance and salvation. The thief on the cross was evidence of this moment of rejoicing in all the Heavenlies and he didn’t even have a chance to live what we would call “the life of a godly Christian”. He must’ve done a ton of soul searching while he was hanging on that cross next to Jesus. Only Jesus could read his mind. Outwardly though, we only have record that he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom. And He (Jesus) said to him, “Truly I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” Luke 23: 42-43, ESV The thief repented. Jesus saw his heart and He had mercy. I wonder what the person thought (the one who had been robbed by that thief) after those words were spoken? What a lesson. Both men on either side of Jesus had the positional truth of God’s forgiveness and reconciliation available to them. They were both “enemies of God”. The forgiveness was there for each one of them to recieve. They both chose. One received. The other did not. Only one entered into glory with Jesus. Jesus had the final word on both of their destinations and He still does today with us.

When we see others as God sees us, pride falls and gravity bears up humility at the core of our hearts, because of the cross. Only Christ is deserving. It is beautiful. See…. He truly makes all things new. He forgives, He restores, and He reconciles…even offering these up for His enemies. This is our God. It doesn’t have to make sense to us. We are so fortunate to be redeemed! Choose today. I am forever grateful for eternal salvation in Jesus Christ, for I was once an enemy.

“Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34, ESV

Christmas Single – A Still and Quiet Night

One of the biggest (and I think), most difficult places to show the love of Christ is to our spouse: in which we have many opportunities to practice grace, allowing iron to sharpen iron to mature and prepare us for future glory.

In marriage, many couples face an unintentional drift as they prepare for the Empty Nest. For many years the focus of the union has been on the children and as they prepare to leave, and once the children are out the door husbands and wives have to rediscover each other once more. There may have been preconceived ideas of what the latter years were going to look like and once we are there, we find it is nothing like we had dreamed out. We may question, who is this person I live with? And sadly, over 50% become divorced. They even have a term for this kind of divorce in these latter years: Gray Divorce.

But there are ways to be intentional to try and close the gap as you transition into the next phase of your marriage relationship and to inoculate it against the “D word”. It is an intentional turning into one another, finding things in common, appreciating new direction for one another, etc.Β  A Still and Quiet Night is not only a song of memories of the way things were when the children were little and growing up at home, but also an acknowledgement of the loss of our grown babies. Christmas seems to be the time, as it comes at the end of a calendar year, where we take more account of our lives. Where are we in life? What happened? Where did the years go? We miss our kids! Now it’s just us and we aren’t sure we like each other right now!

Questions like these, can take us on a journey at Christmas to learn how to create new memories of what love is about. Times change, children leave, traditions change, we are older, it’s quieter in the house, we are more gray, balding or wrinkled, finding ourselves more lonely…but love always remains if we invite it in.

What greater time than at Christmas to reflect on the love that God has for us by sending Himself to us in the form of a baby, Jesus the Christ, Emmanuel, reconciling us to Himself. Christ reminds us of what love is and He brings His peace into our hearts through His Holy Spirit, giving us the ministry of reconciliation. It is the interpretation of this love, lived out in real life that finds us rediscovering each other in a new light; and therefore, making new memories for our future.
 
Production Notes:

IMG_9983
My producer Eric Copeland (Creative Soul Records) and I worked on this song as a co-write this last Summer of July 2014, as I was touring across the country with my new album project, Where I Am. We met up at Word Entertainment in one of the writing rooms and I shared my ideas of the first verse with him. He started to town on a melody idea for the arrangement and came up with a beautiful interlude of Silent Night, Holy Night in the middle of the song.

Eric didn’t know it, but Silent Night was one of the very first songs that my brother and I learned to sing in German for our German grandparents. We recorded it on a little tape recorder for our Oma and Opa when we were very young (possibly around 6 and 4) and when they received the cassette tape, they were overjoyed to hear their American grandchildren singing in their native tongue.Β So that is a very special part in the song for me, that holds wonderful memories of my own childhood and heritage.

We started the lyrics on the 2nd verse trying to be mindful of what it might look like to revive a marriage by bringing a little romance back into it at Christmastime. We finished up the second verse long distance and then sent it off for production. I love the creativity that all the players brought to this project and one of my most favorite parts in the song, is a bass part in “not a creature stirs or makes another sound”.

A Still and Quiet Night

Jen Haugland & Eric Copeland Β©2014 Jen Haugland Music (ASCAP) & From the Moment Music (BMI)

V1

All the moments that we sit around the tree

Hold our memories of everything that used to be

To see our little ones their eyes so opened wide

As they staredΒ at all the pretty bulbs so bright

 

PC

Oh where did the years go, now that they’ve all moved on

And it’s just the two of us in this big house all alone

 

Ch

Turn down the lights

Pull me closer to your side

We can make new memories

In a still and quiet night

Don’t be surprised

As I stare into your eyes

We can find ourselves in love

In a still and quiet night

 

V2

As we find ourselves here sitting by the fire

And an ember sparks a warmth of new desire

While the snow falls silent outside on the ground

Not a creature stirs or makes another sound

 

PC2

So this is our moment, now that they’ve all moved on

And it’s just the two of us in this big house all alone

 

Ch

Turn down the lights

Pull me closer to your side

We can make new memories

In a still and quiet night

Don’t be surprised

As I stare into your eyes

We can find ourselves in love

In a still and quiet night

 

Instrumental Interlude – Silent Night, Holy Night

 

PC2

So this is our moment, now that they’ve all moved on

And it’s just the two of us in this big house all alone

 

Ch

Turn down the lights

Pull me closer to your side

We can make new memories

In a still and quiet night

Don’t be surprised

As I stare into your eyes

We can find ourselves in love

In a still and quiet night

We can find ourselves in love

In a still and quiet night

 

*Honorable Mention, Cindy Wilt Colville Excellence in Songwriting Award – CMS NW 2014

 

Session Players (and, by the way, the guys behind Player A):

John Hammond (drums/percussion)

Gary Lunn (bass)

Mark Baldwin (guitar)

Eric Copeland (keys)

Ronnie Brookshire (Engineering & Mixing)

 

Last week I had an enjoyable Skype interview with Joe Brookhouse of Frequency.FM to talk about my new Christmas single, A Still and Quiet Night. I like to think of the meaning of Christmas as being an outpouring of God’s heart and love to us by sending us His Son, Jesus, God incarnate: to reconcile us to Himself and to one another by showing us what it means to love one another well, while we are here on this earth.

Here is the link to the podcast, article and additional links. Please share it with as many people as you can! You just never know when someone really needs to hear something that will really touch them. We also thought we were just a little funny in the interview…you might chuckle once or twice. Maybe. πŸ˜‰

Frequency-Banner Frequency.FM Amp’d Interview – Jen Haugland

In 1990, 1 in 10 marriages in the over 50 year old Empty Nester category ended in divorce. In 2009 the numbers more than doubled to 1 in 4 (Statistics U.S. Census Bureau). This alarming trend has been steadily increasing during the past two decades that sociologists have been tracking it and they have now termed it “Gray Divorce” (see the March 2012 white paper, “The Gray Divorce Revolution,” and current stats collected by researchers at Bowling Green State University, Bowling Green, Ohio). Surprisingly, infidelity was not the main reason why these older generations divorce, but rather a growing apart from one another, because the earlier years have been so focused around the children. And, as the culture of the individualist, self-seeking, Baby Boomers come to the forefront in their retirement years after launching their families, they continue to be the trend setters for future generations.

This gray divorce “revolution” is coming down the pike to us as younger married generations. How, as married Christians, do we safeguard against this growing trend while we still have our children in the home, before they launch? We can’t say this won’t happen to us. We live in this culture and we should be in the world but not of it. It would be ignorant to bury our heads in the sand. We need to be intentional. Current studies show that in order to support marriage in these latter years, prevention is the best intervention and an intentional “turning towards” your spouse in support of him or her as being pivotal. To keep this current upward trend of gray divorce in the Baby Boomer generation from happening, some Boomers have come up with new definitions of how to stay together and make it work, even unconventional ways of making it work. Can we say this is right or wrong?

While the Bible gives us many passages in how to love one another well, as a husband and wife, it doesn’t really paint a picture of how that looks in “real-life practice”. Hold on a second, I know some of your alarm bells might be going of, but don’t worry. I want to be careful in how I say that, because yes, there are ways we can objectively observe how a couple loves one another, but how that gets lived out logistically is another factor. Like the example of one couple in the article which I have included at the end of this blog, they actually bought another home for the wife to live in 5 miles down the road from their main home in order to stay married. They still spend time together on dates and such, but they have also given each other space and somehow they have found a way to make it work.

This seems very unconventional to me (call me old-fashioned). And yes, I believe there is selfishness involved, but I also see sacrifice in the big picture. The spouse, or husband in this example, showed grace and was willing to keep the marriage together by allowing for his wife to have the space she needed which actually encouraged more emotional closeness. The wife sacrificed by staying committed to her husband and the marriage by not seeking out another relationship and continues to come to the main home to spend time together.

But should we condemn them for finding an alternative solution to divorce? We want them to stay married, right? We know Christ is the answer. Can we look deeper at the big picture? Maybe in another 10-20 years they will be back under the same roof again as a result? Who can know? Certainly God knows. This couple will define the answer for us in time. But one thing is for sure, they are doing what it takes to survive. We don’t know all that they have been through with each other. They are keeping their marriage alive instead of giving up on one another. Its not how we think of traditional marriage. This is a marriage that either didn’t prepare ahead of time as the Empty Nest stage approached or were taken aback by the emotional toll the Empty Nest brought them (or most likely both).

Now, how will you keep your marriage alive? Other suggestions to support marriage in the latter years besides the turning towards your spouse include: allow the grieving of the children leaving the nest; discuss together how much you miss your children. Find new things to come together on such as a hobby or interest. Support one another in your dreams now that it is just the two of you. Most importantly, keep your faith in Christ alive. There are many more options to explore and I haven’t included them all here. But by blogging this, I wanted to raise the level of awareness, because, for me, hitting the Empty Nest is at my front door. We already have the signs and symptoms and ramifications of not being as intentional as we could have been. In all the years that we have been married and had our good times and bad, seeing through the lens more clearly now, these upcoming years are the hardest we have ever faced. As believers, though, my husband and I hold on to the hope that lives within us and cling to our faith in God that we can find new memories to keep our marriage alive: to allow an ember to spark a flame of new desire for one another. This is our moment to turn towards one another, again, like we have done so many times before.

This Christmas, I want to share with you a song that I wrote for the Empty Nesters, the Baby Boomers, and future marriages that have yet to hit the Empty Nest Syndrome. This phase of life and this generation, I think, get left out of real life Christmas songs. Yes, the coming of Christ is the reason for why we celebrate Christmas. Without Him we would not know love. He is Love. And God came to earth to show us what love looked like with skin on. We are real people with real hurts. We grieve one another in relationship. We grow apart unless we are intentional to turn towards each other and be selfless. We need a song to encourage us to stay together, to find a way to keep marriage alive.Β  What better time than at Christmastime as we reflect on how much God loves us by sending His one and only Son; especially during the holidays, when life can be hardest and we miss our kids so much that we start to wonder what else there is to life. Consider the courage it takes to stay together…to find a way back to loving one another this Christmas. Even if it looks unconventional, for the sake of our future generations.

The Loneliness of the Empty Nest (Elizabeth Bernstein, The Wall Street Journal. July 1, 2013)

A Still and Quiet Night, Single co-written by Jen Haugland & Eric Copeland and Produced by Creative Soul Records, Nashville, TN. Releasing November 11, 2014. You are going to love it! Stay Tuned…until then, here is a teaser promo:

still2

It is tempting at the least to want to live your life for yourself, but the truth is the exact opposite. The praise of man is not where it is at. Please God and not yourself. Live a life that will glorify Him and then one day He will lift you up and you will be glorified as well when you see Him face to face. Praise God…do good things…lay up your treasures in Heaven.

β€œLet the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. (2 Corinthians 10:17-18 ESV)

Love Lifted Me

Released my new music video today with Creative Soul Records for Deep Into You. It was a fun and mellow acoustic set with Dave Cleveland and Mark Burchfield at Mark’s Watershed Recording Studio, Nashville, TN. I was so honored to have the two of them play for me. Dave was instrumental (ha, no pun intended) in pulling the whole thing off! Thanks Dave! This is the first video of a series of 3. Two more will be released in the near future! πŸ˜‰

Read the story behind the song at: Behind The Songs – Deep Into You

Blessings & Enjoy!