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7 more days!!!

Track 4. Little Bit Crazy

I remember writing this song so well. It often happens in the morning, as I am still half asleep and starting to wake up. If it’s really quiet in the house, I start to hear a melody in my head. If I don’t get out of bed right then and there to go jot it down, I will fall back to sleep and lose it. So, I stumble out of bed with this unsung melody going through my mind. It was a bouncy tune, like a Francesca Battistelli song. Problem was, I was in the habit of writing slower songs, so it was really stretching me to get out of my box and try to think while it was too early in the morning. So I quickly jotted down the thoughts from my head onto a piece of paper and played out a scratch melody idea on the piano, then recorded it onto my iPhone (my usual M.O.). Then I went back to the bedroom and crawled back into bed.

I continued to work on the song. I wanted it to be fun and about this crazy life of being a Christian, where it seems like we are salmon swimming up the river against the stream (how ’bout that Pacific Northwest analogy?). Seriously, it’s pretty crazy as a believer, living in a world where right is wrong and left is right (so to speak). We literally have to go against the grain of popular culture to take a stand for what we believe in. But it’s okay, because it strengthens us. And one day we will reach our  goal.

So here is the life lesson in the song. I used to get mad at myself when I would spill my coffee in the mornings, when heading out the door to go to work or run errands. I started thinking about it more and more and realized, it was more often a given fact, that I would spill my coffee. Was I really going to let spilled coffee on my clothes ruin my whole day when it just started? My attitude needed to change. How ridiculous. After all, didn’t God create me to live a victorious life, not to be defeated by a measly 8 oz. cup of black java that I chose to do balancing antics with? I started to change my perspective and tune about it. I shrugged my shoulders one day after spilling all over myself, and just decided to accept it. Life was going to be okay! I even started to tell myself after a good spill, “it’s going to be a good day!” And there you have it. It’s important to not let the little things of life get the best of you. The big things either, for that matter. I now laugh at spilled coffee!

SongwritingSessionWithEricDarkHorseIt was a writing day at Dark Horse in May 2013 with my Producer Eric Copeland. We were digging through all of my song ideas. I finally, kind of reluctantly, pulled out this last idea of the day. I told Eric he probably wasn’t going to like it. I think it was reverse psychology. He really did like it! And he came up with a nice peppy arrangement idea to go with my melody and lyrics. It was very fun to see it come to life with the ideas swimming.

Mark Baldwin & Gary Lunn
Mark Baldwin & Gary Lunn

It was a song that was not produced in studio, but was passed around from session player to session player in their home studios, so they had a lot of time to get into the song. In fact, by the time Mark Baldwin (guitar) got done with it he told my producer, “Little Bit Crazy is a little bit whacked!” It was so awesome, the effects he put on it. I swear I think I can hear a Galactica space ship battle in it…it’s so cool! Then Tigger and Roo come bouncing around through there. Yeah, my imagination loves this song. Gary Lunn’s bass dances all around there. I love to dance around to it! We also had a feel for some Sergeant Pepper’s in there, so we got the idea for the brass in the middle. Seems like it’s just one big parade…going silly in the wrong direction.

Barry Green
Barry Green

 

Little Bit Crazy

©2013 Jen Haugland and Eric Copeland
Jen Haugland Music (ASCAP)/From The Moment Music (BMI)

 

V1
Such a sleepy head
When I stumble out of bed
You plant a song that’s right there on my tongue
Need to get it all down
Before I’m losing the sound
That is humming from a melody unsung

Ch
Life’s a little bit crazy, but I know
It moves me to worship You more
Just a little bit crazy against the flow
But You’re all I’m longing for

V2
Running out the door
With the coffee I poured
Gotta get all these errands out of the way
Then I take a big sip
And it spills from my lips
And I shrug cause it’s still gonna be a good day

Chorus

Bridge
I get a different view of my day, I’m not the same
Moving in rhythm with a sway, and I’ve gotta say
It’s a little bit crazy
Yeah

(Instrumental)

Life’s a little bit crazy
Just a little bit crazy
Hey…

Ch
Just a little bit crazy, but I know
It moves me to worship You more
Just a little bit crazy against the flow
But You’re all I’m longing for

Life’s a little bit crazy, but I know
It moves me to worship You more
Just a little bit crazy against the flow
But You’re all I’m longing for

 

Session Players:

Eric Copeland (keys)

Steve Baldwin (guitar)

Gary Lunn (bass)

Ken Lewis (drums)

Barry Green (trombone)

 

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8 more days… (well, as I write…almost 7)…

Track 3. Where I Am

This is the title track to the project. It was a no brainer, however, it took us a while to figure it out, as we went through all the songs and lyrics while doing vocals out at Dark Horse in Franklin. We realized I had used the words “where I am” in two songs on the project…well, at least we thought. Then, as I was singing through the bridge of another song, we found yet a 3rd reference to “where I am”. So, that is how the title came to be for the album. I guess I have been thinking a lot over the past couple of years about where I am.

Honestly, I am not sure where I am (so many unknowns), but I know whose hands I am in, and I guess that is good enough for me. With all the uncertainty that I am surrounded in, I know for sure that I am not alone. My God is leading and directing my life and every day is a journey discovering where He is taking me along the way. I know that as I wrote these lyrics I was thinking often about how inviting it is when one is outside on a cold and gray rainy day, to find a home beckoning you closer to the warmth that exudes beyond the window panes. I think of the fire that might be burning inside and how I would love to just go right up to the door and be welcomed in: to sit down in a comfortable chair and be warmed up.

That’s how I feel God is. He is always right there…waiting for me to open that door and come right in and visit with Him in front of the warmth of His presence. It is a peaceful place where I can find rest from the rainy days of life. Sometimes I just get so busy with life and keep walking around the block, yet one more time. I think I have to get just one more thing done, when I really know I ought to stop what I am doing and just go inside and spend the time with Him. It’s what I really need anyway to keep me going each and every day.

I think it makes God sad when I don’t come sooner than later, but I know that He always rejoices when I finally do come to spend time with Him away from all the distractions. He takes me where I am. I don’t have to pretend to have it all together. He knows me and so the facade can fade away; it doesn’t help me get any closer to Him anyway. But when I just go on in and just be who I am (who He made me to be…ME) and say, “I’m here, God!”, He loves it and He takes me right where I am. Even if I’m at a loss for words.

I just wish I would get in the habit of going inside much quicker instead of fiddling around with going around the block so many times. And stop in more often. I do love my Savior so much. He is who I am living for.


Image_fotor

Where I Am
©2013 Jen Haugland
Jen Haugland Music (ASCAP)

V1
I’m a little late, broke Your heart again
I’m at Your door, will You let me in
It’s cold outside, seems I’ve lost my way
Been around this block, many times today

PC
Your light is shining bright
And it’s a welcomed sight

Ch
You take me where I am
Any time of night or day
Even rainy days when
I haven’t got the words to say
Oh, You take me, You take me
Where I am

V2
Here’s my famed façade, didn’t serve me well
Only kept me far from Your love until
I saw my heart, it was all alone
An empty void only You could fill

PC

Chorus

 

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9 more days til the release of Where I Am!

Track 2. The In-Between

I started working on this song in the Fall of 2012 with Cindy Wilt-Colville. I had hired her to work with me on writer development and I really had a desire to dig deeper into myself and pull out the thoughts and experiences of my heart in the hidden places. In the beginning of this early writing career and in developing this music ministry, I was beginning to get a grasp of the unknowns (if that makes any sense), and started to realize that it really was okay to not know what tomorrow brings, but that I could be sure of the here and now, the in-between, where yesterday and tomorrow meet. This is where I am sure that grace has found me and where God speaks to me.

Cindy and I reflected on how people have to make hard decisions in life of which road to go down when life throws us curve balls with such things as a terminal diagnosis, loss of job, divorce, uncertain futures, etc. Sometimes it seems so hard to hear God’s voice and we doubt, and then fear that He must have abandoned us. But then we are reminded of His Word, of a truth that He will never leave us or forsake us. He is very near to us and He knows what we need before we even ask. And so, in faith, we call out to Him and trust that He is here, even when we can’t hear His voice. He loves us so very much. Jesus is our evidence!

Today is where I am, and I’m forever in His hands.

The unknowns are now an adventure for me, even if they are unpleasant. Mainly because I realize I am not in control of what a day brings. But I am in control of how I respond to it. I know that my days are the days that He has planned for me and they are numbered. It’s so much easier to follow Him when I stay with today.

And which of us by being anxious, can add a single hour to our lifespan? He will take care of every need that we have… It is better to keep our focus on Him with a treasure in the Heavens that doesn’t fail. Where a thief doesn’t approach or a moth destroys. For where our treasure is, there our heart will be also. (See Luke 12: 25-34)

I am learning to be comfortable with the “uncomfortableness” of the unknowns. Where yesterday and tomorrow meet is a good place to be!

The In-Between
©2013 Jen Haugland
Jen Haugland Music (ASCAP)

V1
So many roads that I could take
There are choices I must make
Which way will they lead
I wish I could see the forest ‘for the trees
But life’s just not that way
One step every day

Ch
You will meet me in the in-between
Where I’m not sure of many things
But Your love and Your grace
And how they carry me to this place
You will meet me in the in-between
Where yesterday and tomorrow meet
Oh speak to me, speak to me, You speak to me
In the in-between

V2
When I cry out Your name, and I can’t hear
I still sense that You are near
And you know what I need
I’m always amazed that You’ll never leave
Your love, it has no end
A faithful friend

Ch

Bridge
My past is gone I can’t return
The future I have yet to learn
But today is where I am
And I’m forever in Your hands

Ch

Session PlayersImage

Steve Baldwin (guitar)

Mark Hill (bass)

Jeff Roach (keys)

Steve Brewster (drums)

Steve Dady (engineer)

Sunset Blvd Studios, Brentwood, TN

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Today is 10 days before the release of my first full album project, Where I Am, produced and co-written with Eric Copeland of Creative Soul Records, Nashville, TN. I can’t think of a more creative way to do a countdown to one of the most exciting times for me personally (besides marriage, babies and baptisms), than to do an official countdown with what was behind every song that I wrote on the album. 10 song (11 tracks due to an instrumental) in 10 days! Wish it had been that simple in real life!

I’ll start off in order to keep the consistency and flow of the tracks!

Track 1. Deep Into You

This is my very first song that I decided to be brave on and write with a guitar. Since most of my writing is done on the piano, and I had heard that if you want to change up your writing, try a different instrument, I thought why not. And thus was born…a secular song. I must have been thinking I should try and write a cool rock star song, since I was playing it on my guitar. But it didn’t really fit with my inspirational Christian genre, so I decided I needed to give it a holy transformation. I thought (and said to myself), “self, what if you were writing this song to God? How would you show others all that He is for you?” And so the challenge was before me.

The lyrics were about 2/3rds finished when we tracked in session with the guys at Steve Dady’s. The day of tracking, I was actually en route from Seattle to Pittsburgh with a layover in Chicago with a puppy in tow.

Said puppy of interest
Said puppy of interest

So, here I am, listening to my first two songs being tracked in Nashville, TN on an app streaming live from Steve’s studio, while I’m trying to potty my puppy on a pee pad at Midway airport in the handicap stall. It was so surreal! I mean, magic was happening on the other side of this amazing technology of my iPad and MacBook Pro with the most talented and skilled session players Nashville has to offer in the CCM music industry; and here I am in a stall, begging a silly little puppy to please go potty so I can focus on hearing my song. Geez, didn’t all the women in the bathroom know how cool my stall was? (I think I should take this important moment to clarify to you, I was not using the bathroom, myself – neither did the puppy for that matter).

After the guys finished their tracking of my second song and I had just finished texting my producer about how surreal things where based on the above antics, he proceeds to tell the players (and I can hear him saying this over the app), “Hey guys, check this out…she’s in a handicapped stall in the women’s bathroom at Midway airport pottying a puppy on a pee pad while listening to her song get tracked!” Laughter erupts in studio. Bass player Mark Hill says, “Now that’s something I haven’t heard before!” How embarrassingly funny. I was both mortified and immortalized. I had to laugh. I guess one always wants a way to stand out, when making a first impression…Yeah, some session players now know me as the artist that was pottying a puppy on a pee pad in a handicap stall at Midway airport. Say that 10 times fast!

After puppy and I finished in the bathroom, I received a “ruff” (not a dog ruff, but a music track rough) of Deep Into You by Steve. So here I am now, walking to my next gate and listening to Dave Cleveland totally rock out my song in a crazy screaming e. guitar instrumental in the middle of the song (well, sort of seemed like it, it was so awesome). All of the sudden, I had a serious rhythm in my step, my heart was pounding and I was feeling a Sylvester Stallone, Rocky moment. I wanted to shout out “Stella!” I was near tears to hear my scratch demo so magically transformed. People at my gate would have been worried had they seen me crying, so I attempted to tough it out…with a cute puppy to keep me company!

Getting back to the lyrics, the focus of the song was reflecting desert wandering. You know how there is this easier way of life if you just obey and follow God’s lead (not that His ways are always easy)? Or there is the “hey, let’s go down this path, it looks more exciting and dangerous!” (and stupid).

Anyway, traveling down roads that bankrupt your soul and leave you parched, can make you very thirsty for truth and a living water that never ends. What’s even more cool (besides a cold glass if water) is the fact that no matter how awful and treacherous your path has been, God doesn’t waste a thing and helps you take that story and turn it into a testament of His goodness in your life! So, if you must go through the desert (and here is my disclaimer: I really don’t recommend it), bring water…

Deep Into You
©2013 Jen Haugland
Jen Haugland Music (ASCAP)
Deep Into You

V1
Like a thirsty soul in a desert land
I was desperate at my core
Every other path had kept me wandering and
I was needing something more

Ch
I’m falling deep into You
Away from everything that I’ve been through
I’m falling deep into You
It’s the best thing I’ll ever do

V2
Find the meaning in every day of life
There’s a reason why I’m here
As my struggles shape and redefine me
They’re drawing me so near

Ch

IMG_4865

Session Players
Dave Cleveland (e.guitar)
Mark Hill (bass)
Jason Webb (keys)
Ken Lewis (drums)

Steve Dady (engineer)

Sunset Blvd Studios, Brentwood, TN

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I have recently been blessed to be able to assist with worship leading at a local church in my community. The way we were even introduced to each other was really a God-thing. It was through a mutual friend and something I was definitely NOT looking for. When I first met with the pastor and his wife and heard about their needs, I could easily see where I might be able to help them. With my role at Worship Team Training, I thought for sure I could just come alongside them, assess the situation with their music program and advise them on some possible solutions and continue on with my journey…Right!

Then the pastor, who has no problem being direct and to the point (totally my way to communicate, saves on words and no second guessing), asked me if I would be willing to come be a part of their team there by leading their music ministry. I laughed; that was so funny to me. I was actually looking for a job to try and support my music ministry, but I was not looking for a Worship Leader position. It would tie me down too much and inhibit my ability to travel with the ministry work I had planned. I told the pastor I needed flexibility with my music ministry and traveling, that’s why a worship lead position wouldn’t work for me. The pastor didn’t balk. He said he said he had nothing BUT flexibility and would be willing to support my music ministry and travel schedule. What? I laughed some more and said, “I don’t want to hear you say that you are flexible. Thank you.”

Seriously, what was God thinking? He knew that my need for flexibility would be my only concern in considering something like this. I was fairly content with where I was at with another church in my community. It’s obvious to me that the pastor and God must have had some kind of conversation before we even met in person. I really did ask God in my mind, at that moment there in Starbucks (with the pastor and his wife across the table from me), “Uh, what are you doing here, God? This wasn’t what I was envisioning. Care to fill me in?” I literally was speechless. So I did the next best thing. Yes, I could consult!

I settled with the pastor and his wife that I would come visit their church after returning from my grandfather’s Memorial in Atlanta to assess their needs to see what I could do to help. And I did just that. Let me tell you how much I wanted to get out of my seat that Sunday and go up there and help the pastor’s sweet 14 year-old daughter, who was bravely leading worship all by herself (with her Dad singing). I REALLY wanted to help! I know God was so blessed by what they were doing to help lead the congregation out of the pureness and genuineness of their hearts. I wanted to be a part of that kind of heart. I looked around and looked at the members of the church. Could I leave the current church where I was at and start all over again? I answered in my heart with a resounding, “Yes!” I could sense His heart and what He was calling me to do for this church. I knew He had equipped me with all the skills I needed. I needed to go and follow in obedience.

A big challenge has been set before me (literally right into my lap). But God knows what He is doing, and I know He can do it. He will lead me. And I know I am up for the challenge. I led for my first time with the church, last Sunday. It’s not easy jumping into something that you are unfamiliar with and I am sure the congregation might have felt the same way, not knowing what I might bring to their church. We both had to trust that we were concerned about the same things without knowing each other yet. It takes a lot of hard work to ease into something to make sure everyone feels safe about where you are going.

Sequim Valley NazareneThe big picture for me was that I could go out of my comfort zone for something difficult, instead of making my life comfortable sitting in a chair in the back of a church (well, not all the way in the back, but close enough). My eyes are wide open as I go into this, but they will be half-closed as I look beyond the challenges and trust in God’s goodness to provide for every need as I follow His leading. God sees us for who we are in Him and He is not content to leave us where we are at, but to continue to grow and shape us into His image. The image that we were created in to begin with.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)

I am choosing to love and embrace what is difficult, because there are greater rewards ahead than this earth can ever give us, and I know my life is not my own (even though I still battle with my own selfish desires). After all, didn’t God choose to love me and embrace me in my “difficultness”?

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I am thrilled to give you a sneak peek into my new album by sharing a download of the title track Where I Am. I would love to hear your comments back on what you think about it and please share it with as many friends as you can! You can help by re-posting the link to all of your social media sites! The more people that hear it, the more opportunity that it will have to minister to their hearts! Thank you for supporting my music!

Love & blessings, Jen

 

http://www.reverbnation.com/jenhaugland/song/20053631-where-i-am

 

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Rick Elias jObHave you ever been in a jOb kind of way?

Quite a few times in my life, I have been. Even the last couple of years have been quite a painful struggle to step forward in faith to God’s calling in my life. Sometimes I have brought my own suffering upon me. Other times it has been beyond my control. The latter have been my jOb moments. I can live life with my suffering more when I know I have caused it, but when someone or something else has caused harm to me…it can become unbearable.

“Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope?” Job 4:6

We can get overly confident in our salvation at times and start to wear it as our badge of courage (or humilty, which in essence becomes pride), faltering towards being wise in our own eyes. At this time of year, I chose the theme of suffering because there are so many out in the world today that suffer. Especially during the Christmas season.  And it was our Savior, Christ Jesus, who came for those who are needy and suffering (even those that don’t know how needy they are).

Don’t you think God suffered by limiting Himself to a human form? The beautiful babe in the manger is our God with us in all His glory, humbling Himself to endure human physical limitations, to come to a lost and hurting world of people to redeem mankind by suffering on a cross. He endured it’s scorn and shame for all of our sins, once and for all.  And the beauty of it was, that He lifted Himself out of the depths of the earth to glorify Himself again (there you go, my Christmas sermon for you). In other words, God knows suffering more than any of us.

jOb suffers greatly as God allows Satan to approach him with tragedy after tragedy. So much so, jOb becomes extremely depressed and believes the only answer to his suffering and pain is death itself and he longs for it. In fact, jOb says he loathes his life because of his suffering. He questions God, “make me understand how I have gone astray”. jOb knows he has been righteous before God in following the laws and commands. He has been a man of integrity. He can’t figure out why God will allow this.

In the same way, we can question, “God, why did you allow this to happen to me? What did I do wrong that made me deserve this?” We can’t seem to find the answers for why. In fact, jOb even thinks he must have sinned in order to deserve such calamity to the point of feeling sorry for himself and having his own pity party. I have heard people say this about others who have suffered, but they couldn’t be any further from the truth. It’s wrong thinking to believe that bad things happen to godly people because they have sinned. Nope. God is sovereign. He causes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust.

In trying to understand why God would do this, jOb makes a decision to complain from the bitterness in his soul. He even goes so far as to try to liken God as a “joy killer” that any man would bring upon another man. And he begs God to leave him alone, so that he could find some happiness somewhere in the days that he has left.

“because God has loosed my cord and humbled me.” Job 30:11

No matter how humble or righteous through Christ we think we are…we can still be brought lower by a Sovereign God. Let pride bring us low every time. jOb was righteous in his own eyes, even though by our standards he would have seemed like a devout and humble believer of our day. When I find that I accept God as Sovereign in my life, it frees me up to stop worrying about things that seem so unfair to me and it silences my argument before God. I am quieted by His righteousness…and His love.

Maybe your lyre needs to be turned to mourning and your pipe to those who weep?

“But it is the spirit in man, the breath of the Almighty that makes him understand.” Job 32:8

“God is mighty in strength of understanding.” Job 36:5b

Is there something we can learn by being in a jOb kind of way?

If you have been hanging in there with me by reading this long blog, let me get to why I was inspired to write it. There is a new CD out by Rick Elias that I just have to share with you. It’s called jOb. I love it. I love it even more so, as a mental health counselor, because hurting people need real music that can speak to their soul and human condition. It is raw in it’s musical talent and lyrics as it depicts the story of jOb. You can’t help but ache with jOb as you listen. It strikes a chord in my own heart for the times that it has ached and still aches. It is real music. Real pain. Real suffering. And I feel like I am crying out with jOb (or possibly even Rick), “Help Thou my unbelief, lest I fall away”. I, too, am in awe how He still loved me anyway.  God “undoes” us, so that He can finish His work in us. “Father you know me, the seed of your creation, made in your image with little indication of my poverty.” (Rick Elias, Help Thou My Unbelief). The moment we realize our depravity…is this not the way God shows us humility?

“Behold, God is great, and we know him not; the number of his years is unsearchable. For he draws up the drops of water; they distill his mist in rain, which the skies pour down and drop on mankind abundantly.” Job 37:26-28

When It All Came Down has to be my most favorite song of the album (you’ll have to listen to it to see why) and I confess, I cried when I heard A Kind Of Brilliance. I think Rick had a kind of brilliance when he wrote it. It reminds me of myself and the woman at the well. Searching for water in broken cisterns. I need the water that is overflowing and full of life that will never leave me thirsty again. Quite frankly, I love all the songs on this CD and I want more of it. (Sidenote: you can purchase jOb at Rick’s website).

I like how God is spot on to ask jOb to step up to the plate as he questions jOb…be a man, and I will show you who is in charge! “Where were you, Job, when I laid the foundations of the earth?”, “When the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?”…kind of wakes you up to reality.

I think God must love jOb’s honesty and boldness to tell him to even approach, even in his arrogance. It reminds me of Jacob wrestling with God and then God putting his hip out of alignment so that Jacob never forgets who is in control. Likewise, I think God asks us to step up to the plate and be bold enough to speak our minds so He can show us who He is and then we find out (we really have no argument at all).

To be sure, God, cares for the broken-hearted. He just has interesting ways of showing His compassion that is so unconventional to a worldly understanding.

“He delivers the afflicted by their affliction and opens their ear by adversity.” Job 36:15

I am listening, God…

About Rick’s CD, jOb:

I think it’s important to have good music that speaks to the soul when it aches. “Mourn with those who mourn”. Romans 12:15b If you have been in a jOb kind of way, Rick’s new CD  jOb, will be a true comfort and balm for you. You are not alone. There truly are no strangers at the table of suffering: loss of a job, a home, loved ones, a marriage or significant relationship, searching to end the pain with whatever one can find…you can truly relate to jOb in this album and ache alongside him. This CD reminds me, I too, am not alone and it lifts me in a way that reminds me that the One who made me, knows me so well and knows how to reach me. Traveling with a person in their journey of suffering can help to bring them back to truth.

In evaluating the musical aspects of the album, I hear sounds of the Beach Boys, Joe Walsh, Billy Joel, and other classic rock from the 70’s and 80’s that I am wracking my brain over and can’t think of just off-hand. I guess you could say it is eclectic, which creates it’s own appeal to me. There is also some great acoustic guitar and really cool electric guitar distortions. I love Rick’s honest vocals and melodies; he is true to himself as a writer and musician.  I believe this album goes back to Rick’s time with Rich Mullins and it will make you miss Rich (well, it made me miss him). Such great Ragamuffins! Nothing like REAL music. I highly recommend this album and you have to get it! 😉 Thank you for your gift, Rick!

*Read another great comprehensive blog and review of Rick’s new CD here from Craig Daliessio: http://shinnyandshavings.blogspot.com/2013/11/rick-elias-job-re-posting-my-review.html

It was the reason why I bought the album!

May the Year 2014 reveal to you God’s Sovereign Grace!

Love, Jen

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Ever had that moment where you knew you were supposed to be somewhere, but everything was working against you to get there? I did, just this last weekend. I was supposed to work with my boss at Worship Team Training (WTT) at the Christian Musician Summit Northwest (CMS), but his son got really sick so he had to cancel. I thought, now what should I do? I couldn’t imagine not being at CMS Northwest this year, so I asked the planners if I could volunteer. Yes! I could! So now I could go.

On Thursday night I met with Dave Cleveland who was doing a Guitar Boot Camp that day at the conference. Dave played on a couple of songs off my new album that we are working on, and one of the songs was guitar driven, that I really wanted to learn some basics for. Dave told me to email him the mp3 of the session track and he would give me some pointers the next day. After leaving, I got in a car accident. I rear-ended someone and then someone else rear-ended me. The front of my car was pretty smashed up, but I thought since it was still drivable and the headlights still worked, I would attempt to stay for the weekend instead of driving the 2-1/2 hours home.

As I drove to the conference that morning, a thought crossed my mind. What if something was trying to keep me from being present? The spiritual warfare I had been experiencing the last year and even more so this last month with my website getting hacked twice, made me think: I needed to just show up and look beyond the trials. So I went in on Friday morning, determined to see what God would have in plan for me, even though my car was smashed and I could be dealing with possible whiplash.

Yep. God had a plan. I was blessed to meet and spend some time with one of the Nashville Session Players, Blair Masters, who played keys on a few other of my songs. Then later that evening after Dave Cleveland and band performed, we were all hanging out at the merchandise table. We were joking around about how they could be my band and tour with me. So I got Nashville Session Playersa picture with the guys for fun. We are all connected through my producer Eric Copeland, as they frequently track in session for a lot of the independent artists that hire Eric through Creative Soul to produce their projects (myself being one of them).

So that was fun enough in and of itself and I was really glad I didn’t get discouraged from the car wreck and go home early. My neck and shoulders started getting really sore that night. Dave had asked me if we could do the guitar instruction the next day instead when he had more time, so that was no problem for me. I decided on Saturday morning it would be a casual sweats day, so I dressed down and drove to the conference.

Before I got out of my car, I checked my emails. In there was an email from Dave asking me if I would be willing to join the band for his 11:30 a.m. workshop that day. He wanted to use my song Deep Into You that they had tracked in session as an example for how to work together as a band. My first email reply was “Seriously?” (my anxiety meter went up). Dave had to write me back and say “please”…etc. Of course I had to say “Yes!”, even though I felt so inadequate and unprepared. After all, I had just recorded vocals on the song a month before and hadn’t event performed it live yet. And another little voice was antagonizing me saying, who do you think you are? You are just an obscure nobody.

I thought to myself and I spoke to God…this is why You wanted me to show up this weekend?” I knew His answer was yes. Then I had my Moses excuses for Dave…”but Dave, I wore sweats today”…”Dave, you are really making me stretch out of my comfort zone”… additional excuses went through my brain (even the fact that it was being live-streamed on internet land with me in my sweats -geez!), but I didn’t burden the guitar hero with them. I mean… c’mon…. this is THE Dave Cleveland asking obscure, small-town girl, me, to sing with him and these incredible session players for his workshop. I didn’t want him to change his mind! Craziness.

But I heard these words…just show up, God’s got it covered. I took myself and my anxiety out to my smashed up car, now doubling as a rehearsal studio and practiced my song over and over again. I finally showed up at our meeting time… and then while on stage as we were prepping, I fell over a floor wedge monitor before going out there to sing. I had a huge goose egg under my knee cap.

Now if anything could take care of my anxiety, a date with my face on the floor was the perfect distraction! Nerves totally cured! By the time I went out to sing with the band, the only worry on my mind was being embarrassed at falling over on stage and wondering if anyone saw it. And then… I was in the most surreal moment of my lifetime, as I listened to the band play my song live behind me, while I sang it… oh yeah, I showed up. And that was all God asked of me. He orchestrated everything else out to the way it was supposed to go and I had to be open and steadfast. To be firm and not let my faith be shaken by a car wreck or falling flat on my face, literally.

I thought of King David in his shepherd days. He showed up every day to tend to the sheep and to protect them from the wolves and other dangers. That was his job and he did it well. He was obscure. The last of all the brothers, and never considered once by his father or brothers to be a possible choice for Samuel to anoint as the next King. But God was equipping him out in those fields for something far greater. There are many of us who are “obscure” like David the shepherd boy. We go about our lives every day, working hard at where we know God wants us at and we just show up. And it is highly likely that God will lead us to even greater things, because we show up every day in what we think are monotonous tasks but He is waiting to see if we are going to be faithful at them. While we may dream of bigger things to come, we stay in the present.

Our God is a God who is never surprised by anything, but He surprises us by using the ordinary to do extraordinary things.

So, if ever there is a doubt in your mind as to whether you should be somewhere, consider going about your plan and just show up. Even if obstacles are thrown at you (sometimes these obstacles are legit and you need to respond to them). However, they may be trying to get you off course and keep you from experiencing something greater that God has in store for you and for someone else who will be blessed by your faithfulness in showing up. After all, it’s not about us. We are the conduit of His love and mercy to others, so just show up!

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16: 7b, ESV

 

 

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Having just spent the last couple of days intentionally in God’s creation, I wanted to share a reminder that I always seem to get whenever I am out in it.

I live in one of the most bMost Beautiful PNWeautiful places of the country in the Pacific Northwest (I think – although, Alaska was possibly more beautiful when I lived there). Quite frankly, I see beauty in God’s natural creation wherever I travel. I always find something beautiful about the place I am at, even if it is not necessarily a place I want to live in.

But as I stare at, listen to, feel and absorb all the beauty… God says, “wait…” and I hear Him say… “my children are even more beautiful than all this that I have created.” On the 6th day of creation, when God had created mankind, He said it was “very good”. On all the other days, He said they were “good”. But humans… “very good”…even though in our sin nature we are so corrupt and in need of salvation.

I get seriously inspired by the natural environment around me. I wake up to it every morning right here in my backyard with the view of the mountains and I think of all the things I want to say or write about how wonderful God is and His salvation that He brings. But I must confess, have I looked at people that way? All people? Honestly, not all people inspire me to want to sit down and write a song… or think of how wonderful God is for creating that person. Yet it is so much easier when I look at an ocean, a river, mountains or the lush greenery of a forest. It does not take me long to look at the beauty of creation and be in awe of nature and want to think less of humankind. Such a sad and backwards thinking. I really want to be mindful to reverse that.

“God, help me to see the incredible-ness of your creation in every living soul that You died for; they are most beautiful in all creation. Help me to be inspired to love deeper than I ever have and also more genuinely as one of your own children saved by grace.”